


Yours Is The Only Ocean

by Esparafuso



Category: Arctic Monkeys
Genre: I guess I wouldn't recommend to people with phobia of water/ocean/drowning, M/M, Partially based on a personal experience
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-10
Updated: 2017-02-10
Packaged: 2018-09-23 09:39:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9650030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Esparafuso/pseuds/Esparafuso
Summary: Not that he always dreams about the band. “Sometimes I dream about, like, a violent ocean.” He clarifies.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I would just like to thank my sweet and incredibly supportive beta Dani (@alexturnerers) for making this presentable and for encouraging me to produce this. Hope you enjoy :)

Alex couldn’t breath. Or see anything. 

For a moment he didn’t know if his eyes were really open, though the feeling of burn on them told him that he was, indeed, submerged in the depths of the ocean.

The realization was instantly followed up by sheer panic crawling up like lit gunpowder in his core. His reflex made him open his mouth to scream into the void, voice sounding distant and blurry, only to lose itself quickly within the dense nothing that surrounded him. He clapped his hands on his mouth, afraid to lose any more air or possibly be heard by whatever company could be lurking in the darkness.

He couldn’t see a thing before his wide eyes; not even his own limbs, or when he swirled a 360 degrees in place, looking up and down, hoping to find light somewhere in the distance. Alex’s small frame seemed even smaller now that it was floating in the unknown. He hugged himself in some kind of unconscious self preserving action, as his heart hammered caged in his ribcage. The only thing he could hear was his ragged pulse against the natural grave bubbling of the ocean. It felt like he was dipped in a pond of salty, liquid tar.

He was never one to be afraid of the dark. The open ocean, though, terrified him. Always had, since he was a kid and used to sit every sunday morning with his dad at the couch to watch Discovery Channel. Either from seeing the violent current and waves destroy supposedly indestructible ships on the surface, or the mysterious, dangerous territories hidden in the pits of it. Such memories spiralled with the racing thoughts in his head, sounding the alarm of danger even louder in his brain.

Alex couldn’t recall how he found himself in such a situation, or for how long, though that burning feeling on his eyes soon also began making itself present in his lungs. He couldn’t tell which way was up or down by his sight when everything was pure blackness. Quietly, he tried to swim a little more towards a random direction, feeling no distinguishable difference, then changing his path and swimming some more. Alex was so scared he could feel his limbs trembling as they scrapped his immaterial surroundings, and the prickling feeling in his eyes wasn’t only due the saltiness of the sea water. 

As Alex kept swimming, he could feel the pressure making his ears pop and head buzz, realizing he was in fact going deeper and deeper. The man whimpered and cursed in his mind, stopping right away in his tracks. Again he looked around, lost, scratching the water in random movements and giving up to hug himself once again, nails digging into his skin, blinking and trying desperately to see something, someone, anything; and finding failure as a result. He had to escape, his time was running out. He would die in a matter of minutes, seconds, due the lack of oxygen.

Oxygen.

Gulping and feeling his hands shaking, Alex cupped them in front of his face, then let out some of the remnants of air he still had in his lungs. Bubbles crept out of his mouth, swiping between his fingers and finding their way up. The way to Alex’s salvation. In a swaying, desperate way, the man restarted swimming, cupping mounts of water and pushing it behind him, legs flailing, trying to be of help on his locomotion. 

Slowly, his surroundings became more and more illuminated by a very weak light, and he knew for good he was going towards the right direction this time. He escalated the way up, face contorting every time he had to let go of the precious air he still had. His time was running out. He tried swimming faster, pulling himself up to the moving surface a few meters away, pulse again ringing in his ears. A few more meters, he thought, as he unleashed the bubbles carrying his last breath.

His goal didn’t come in time, for he sucked seawater in instinctively and coughed underwater, vision blurrying slightly just before his hand pierced the borders of the surface, and his will to survive propelled him to shove his head out of the water in a loud, pained gasp. 

Alex coughed and sobbed, tears escaping from the corners of his eyes as he coughed some more, swiping wet hair away from his face. The relief of breathing again clouded his senses to the new hostile ambience he found himself in, and before his awareness kicked in, his body swayed up high and down as a wave knocked him down below the water level once more.

Alex trashed in place and managed to pull himself back up, spitting out the water that got into his mouth. Still gasping and shaking his head, he wouldn’t make the same mistake, now quicker and more careful to look around and locate himself. 

He was now in the middle of a violent storm, waves revolving angrily and at strange patterns in his surroundings. He couldn’t find sight of life, land, a ship or boat. Even debris of a possible crashed plane or corpses. He was alone. Completely alone in the open ocean.

His breath kept coming out in pants, and his bruised trachea from the coughing and salty water he swallowed a minute ago made him wince in pain. He was suddenly aware of how cold it was out there. His white dress shirt clung to his skin in the most annoying way, and the heavy jeans limited his movements, yet he didn’t find time or courage to free himself from the clothing, as if the wet articles would protect him from the temperature and the environment.

He tried yelling at the sky for help, but only the constant sprinkle of raindrops would answer him back. How did he end up there? was someone looking for him? Had anyone noticed he was missing? Could someone hear him in the middle of this storm? Or would it probably be too late for anyone to find him in the middle of this scary immensity..? Alex screamed once again, voice being covered by a startling thunder striking above his head. He looked up to see some lightning announcing a second strike, though before Alex could hear it coming, another heavy wave hit and drowned him back down.

This time the current made him helplessly roll some distance to the front, getting caught by another wave, and one more before he could finally push his body upwards. The man coughed and spat water from his lungs, head still swirling as he moved his legs desperately to stay above sea level. His shaky fingers rubbed the seawater and the tears from his eyes, blinking and quickly opening them wide to look around for a possible new strike. 

The huge waves, for a change, moved a few meters away from him, and he took the precious seconds to pant and try to regain his breath.The childish string of tears wouldn’t stop coming out, for he was just too terrified about being in such danger and living one of his biggest fears. He has been careful towards the menace of the sea for all those years, seemed to be a cruel irony this would be the way his life would end.

“This can’t be real” he thought, and yet he couldn’t stop his survival instincts from reacting, or the panic revolving in his heart foreseeing his death. Another wave approached him, though for once he could see it in time to avoid it the best he could by submerging and piercing the current with his arms, doing his best to swim against the force. As Alex came back up he let out a relieved sigh; for once he didn’t took any damage from those waves. He swiped away the excess water from his face and looked around once again, as if his miserable reality would change somehow.

And in fact, it did.

Far away in the horizon, between the moving hills of water and dark clouded sky, he saw what could only be a mirage. A steady, solid line of land, sprinkled with what seemed to be palms and trees. Alex gulped and felt his heart pounding in his chest. Actual land, a firm ground he could step on and shelter himself from this madness. 

He obviously could swim, he knew that. That’s what he has been doing until now to survive, but the doubt flashing his thoughts about his chances of really being able to reach his salvation made his body tired and heavy. Alex knew he had to try, he just had to convince his limbs to obey him and move towards the safe surface. He could see it, so far and yet so close to himself; He just had to move to its direction and fight the current pulling him back. He didn’t want to give up, he couldn’t.

Taking up some air, Alex dove in forward, free swimming the best he could. As he moved along the way, the waves eventually caught up and made the already extenuating trip even more difficult, pushing and engulfing him frequently every couple meters he went through. Alex persisted though, aware of how important it was to just keep moving. He saw the shore, it was right there, a few kilometers away in his line of sight now, he could make it. He had to be strong. Head low into the water, arms moving in arcs, piercing the surface with the tip of his fingers, pushing it back below his body and repeat, never forgetting to wave his legs. 

He could make it.

x

Alex wasn’t sure how much time passed, but he felt exhausted. Even taking small breaks just enough to regain his breath, he noticed small progress. He didn’t know if it was the current and waves pulling him backwards or if the distance to be crossed was way longer than he expected, but he knew for sure he wouldn’t last much longer. 

He would use the rest of his remaining energy to make himself move to the shore, not stopping to rest since he was in the stormy part of the sea. If he could just...keep swimming until his body was too tired to continue, then he could have a break, when he was closer to the safety of the land without the risk of keep being pulled back by the ocean. Another wave threatened to knock him back to the deep sea below him, but he found his way to stay on sea level. 

Alex swam and swam, until his arms began smacking the surface of the water as dead weights, legs already floating logs attached to his body. He swam some more before he decided to stop to regain some energy to reach the final meters up to the shore. Moving his limbs in the old circling ways, muscles aching terribly and spasming here and there from the effort, he repositioned himself in standing position, toes sticking down to touch the sand below his feet. Another crashing wave knocked his head and shoulders forward, and he fought to keep his mouth still above the surface. 

His tired limbs protested, unable to keep him idle in the same place. Alex would push himself down just until he would reach the sand below him, so he could push it with his feet and boost himself back up to get air, instead of keeping his head up all the time by constantly swimming. And Alex did just that; now that he was closer to the shore, he could reach the bottom of the sea if he pushed himself down to do so.

But Alex pushed himself lower and lower and just couldn’t reach the sand. 

In fact there was no sand. There was nothing but the same pitch blackness from before. He could feel his heart skipping beats and his face contorting in a grimacing mask of disbelief and distress. He fought his way back up in a clumsy way, arms and legs moving in somewhat desperation by the panic dominating his body.

He pulled his head back up just to get hit by a heavy wave right after, salty water having his way back into his mouth and some into his lungs. He tried once again, escalating blindly towards the surface and gasping for air, coughing the water and once more brushing aside the wet bangs covering his teary face. His eyes burned from salt and tears, trying with all their will to focus on the shore in front of him.

The shore, kilometers and kilometers away from him, if possible, looked even further than before. “No…” he mouthed, feeling sadness and desolation wash over him “No, no...” his arm reached out, as if he could touch the land, the wet sand, the safety so far away from him. 

A wave crashed upon his flailing body and pushed him back down, its power smashing the little form as if killing an insect. He was just so tired of fighting something so strong. Something he always knew was far more powerful and greater than himself. Something he was always terrified of. This would be where he’d meet his destiny and surrender from the lost battle for his life. 

Alex let go, closing his eyes and letting his body be freely maneuvered by the unavoidable current to do as it pleased. 

And it greedily pushed him in, as if wanting to own a precious possession. As if Alex belonged to the sea in first place and that was the reason it so repeatedly knocked him down with its huge masses of water. Alex let himself be dragged to it, to sate the ocean’s hunger for his existence, leaving a path of calm compliance in the bubbles of air dancing behind and up. 

Alex was submerged again. His motionless, barely conscious body couldn’t notice the ocean’s behaviour begin to slowly change. The violent ebb and flow of the stormy waters lost its speed by the minute, until Alex’s floating frame got caught by the current once more, and again he let himself be swallowed by it. He was too weak and exhausted to care where it would take him. To the black hole in the depths below or to the angry waves above; he didn’t mind the way the ocean would kill him any longer. 

In the middle of this resignation, he could feel himself be carried away by said current in a oddly gentle way. The ocean chose to bring him back to the surface, and his dry lungs sucked the air in with a weak hiss, coughing the water that didn’t belong within them. The current still moved Alex’s body when he opened his eyes, the haziness in his mind making it hard for him to discern if he was in fact still alive.

His small frame floated on the surface of the water, being conducted throughout its blue immensity. Alex almost didn’t notice how it wasn’t raining anymore. Mounds of grieving gray clouds revolving themselves and turning white, leaving behind the clear cyan sky as if they lost interest and had other places to be now. 

In the back of his mind Alex waited for another wave to knock him down underwater, as it did so many times while he fought for his life; but it never came. Instead there were calmer, smaller ones helping that weird current to push him forward. 

Like that, Alex traveled for a good while, though he didn’t have notion of time in his current state of mind. He resigned to just close his eyes and breath through his half open dry lips, limp and indifferent to anything besides the mesmerizing caress of the water on his skin. The palms of his hands were turned to the sky, but he eventually moved then to the opposite side, spreading his fingers and gently drumming the surface. He sighed at the feeling of water swiping between his fingertips and at the delicate gush of wind kissing his humid face.

The unexpected tranquility added to his fatigue made a surreal sleepiness take his senses, the drowsy feeling closing his now heavy eyelids in slow blinks, relaxing his muscles and once erratic heartbeat to a serene pattern.

His head and shoulders felt it first, the smooth initial impact and then the raspy layer of something sliding against his underside. He could feel it through his clothes, and eventually on the hands that were caressing the water before. The realization enveloped his heart with a warm blanket of relief, and just when he thought the resignation was everything left in him, tears filled his eyes once again as his fingers closed themselves in fistfuls of wet sand.

Alex’s limbs trembled when he pushed himself up on his elbows, the assurance of his salvation solid under and around him for meters and meters from where he lied. Alex sobbed and sniffed, brushing away the tears to clear his sight. He looked back at the ocean in front of him, the calm ebb and flow bringing foam and warm water to lick his bare feet, the dangerous wrath that almost ended his life lost in a distant memory. His eyes filled once more with tears of relief, blurring the exquisite scenario in front of him.

When said tears fell and cleared his vision, there was no more beach. The sun didn’t warm his skin; instead there was the dry smooth heat of arms surrounding his frame, and the ebb and flow of the waves were now replaced by the gentle rub of a broad palm on his back. The wet sand took the form of soft sheet covered mattress and the ocean he stared at seconds ago found itself locked within well known blue eyes.

They looked back at Alex as tranquil and stable as always, though even in the slur after such intense experience Alex could see the worry traced in the lines under his lower eyelids. Alex looked deeply into those eyes, still seeing the moving sea that both drowned and saved him, and shakily released the breath he didn’t know he was holding.

They said nothing for long seconds, though the reassuring hand on his back offered the comfort Alex needed so much, only ceasing its movements when Matt brought it to his face, delicately brushing a thumb across his cheek to wipe away the salty water still staining his skin.

“I didn’t mean to scare you” Matt whispered, his concern becoming more obvious as he traced the contours of the coiled man’s features with palpable tenderness. Alex touched the hand on his face, swollen pupils fixated on the mesmerizing blue ocean until the tiredness of his limbs and the weight of his eyelids got the best of him. 

His fingertips slid down from Matt’s hand to his bare forearm and triceps, ending in the bumps of muscle on his back. Suddenly he was once again engulfed by warm waters when he felt Matt’s arms bringing his body closer, pressing him against his chest and involving him in his loving embrace. Alex sighed, once again slipping away to the dream land in the space of seconds.

He wasn’t afraid to drown anymore.


End file.
